We're getting there...

On Friday night we started our own version of sleep training and it went pretty well.  He slept on his own from midnight until 7:15 am and nursed three times.  Don't get me wrong we were awakened throughout the night with his screams and grunts but we stayed strong and did not bring him in bed with us, well until 7:15;)

Saturday our friends came over and we had a fabulous day at the beach and bbqing at our house.

Lucas was just about a complete angel.

He almost always is when other people are around but isn't that how it goes?

Saturday night on the other hand was a bit rougher and Kevin ended up holding him starting at 5:30 am. It's so tough because Lucas is the loudest sleeper when he's on his own but put him in our arms, on his stomach (I know, we're not supposed to do that!) and he will sleep 2-3 hours with maybe one or two screams.

Sunday we went and walked around our little downtown.  I am still in love with this place...it is so cute!

Sunday night was horrific.  We went to bed at 10 pm and the screams started at 11 pm and DID. NOT. STOP.  Lucas was spitting up a lot and I caught him choking a few times so I did not feel comfortable leaving him alone on his back so I held him all night.  Since Kevin is working I really try not to ask for his help on weeknights so I was up all night with our little bug.

Who, me?!

Monday went about the same.  He wanted to nurse about every hour and was full of cries and screams. I have to be honest and say I broke down a few times also.  When Kevin came home I pretty much had a complete breakdown...I was exhausted!  What about the binky you may be asking? Well, he won't really take it.  If I put my finger in it then he'll suck but he won't keep it on his own.  We're not giving up yet but I'm not sure he will take it.  My middle sister reminded me that one of her besties, who is a nurse, has a toddler who never took a binky either so I asked her advice because I physically did not think I could keep up with the nursing.  She immediately called me.  I could not be more grateful.  She explained the makeup of milk and how nursing that often will make Lucas feel like he is on a sugar high and make him gassy so that I should try getting him on a nursing schedule.  I have been afraid of the word "schedule" because we want Lucas to be able to go with the flow.  I think of schedules being you have to do something at a specific time every day but in this case a schedule just meant making Lucas wait 2-2.5 hours (I wait two if he's hungry then) in between feedings but if he'll go three then that's fine. (Remember I have a 12 pound one month old.  This kid is not getting a shortage of nutrition!)  This just means I get a break in between feedings.  It might sound cruel but its not.  He isn't hungry every hour, he just wants to be calmed by me so I need to find other ways of doing that (like taking Lucas on long walks in the Moby). I immediately started this last night and so far so good.  Lucas slept on his own all night and fed every 2-3 hours.  Today I stuck with it and pretty much Lucas was on board.  The last half hour couple hours have not been fun but I think that he is just fighting sleep.  I'm really hopeful right now and that is a great feeling.

So content in my arms!

One Month Old!

Dear Lucas,
I cannot believe you are one month old! Time is flying though if you ask daddy he may say differently:)
You weigh about 11.5 lbs and you are 21 inches tall.
You wear 0-3 month clothes.
You wear size small gDiapers at night and we have sized your Fuzzibunz diapers for small.
You are asleep a lot more than you are awake though you don't sleep for more than 2 hours at a time.  Today though you have reached 2.5 hours a couple times.
Until today you nurse anywhere from 1 hour to 2.5 hours which is why you are so big!
You are a very loud sleeper. You grunt a lot and scream out sometimes.
You sleep in our arms.  You love being in daddy's arms best but mommy calms you the easiest.
Since you are now a month old though we think you are old enough to sleep on your own.  We will still hold you lots so don't worry!
We love awake time with you.  You love to look around and we just stare at you wondering what you are thinking.
You make the funniest faces and when you make sounds they don't always match what you're mouth is doing so it looks like the sound is off from the picture:)
You still have your full head of dark hair (though people always comment on your "receding hairline") and your eyes are still gray.
We don't know who you look like yet but at times you like mommy as a baby and at other times you look like daddy.
Sometimes you scream out of nowhere and we think you have a sensitive tummy so we hold you tight and try to comfort you.  Mommy has taken dairy our of her diet to try and help you but that takes awhile.
You spit up A LOT! So you wear lots of outfits each day.
You get the hiccups at least once a day also.
We are so excited to watch you grow and see the type of person you are going to become.
We love you so much!
Mommy and Daddy

The Great Pacifier Debate

I've realized that this debate is really in my head and on the internet because, beside my mother, I don't know anyone personally who thinks there is a debate...babies use pacifiers.  My sisters and I didn't use them and we didn't suck our thumbs.  This is just how it was.  I don't remember this of course but this is what I've known because of my mom so I have always planned on not having them around with my babies.

There aren't many people that I really explain to why I don't want to have pacifiers because I'm always afraid I'm going to offend someone.  I had told someone, who didn't have children, awhile ago all my reasons and they seemed offended because they had a pacifier when they were a baby so I've been very careful with what I say.  Well, this is my blog so I'm going to put it out there. And I'll throw in some pictures to keep it interesting;)

Loves being awake at 3 am

Let me start off by saying that I have always felt this way.  No one who has had children in the last ten years has made me feel this way.  Ok, the first reason is for aesthetic reasons.  It really bothers me when every picture of a kid they have a binky in their mouth.  Superficial reason? Yep, but it's how I feel.

The second reason I don't like them is because I feel like they impede on a little one's speech development.  There is no research on my part about this it's just my opinion.  When a child has a binky in their mouth I have found they seem to not really talk or can't really say words like they are supposed to be said.  In my current research though this idea is brought up so I'm not crazy.

So tough

Lastly, I think parents use binkies as a babysitter sometimes.  Instead of figuring out what is really wrong or what the little wants they just stick that binky in the mouth to get them to shut up.  I would be fine with them if it was just to calm the kid but when a child is running around having a good time with a binky in their mouth I just don't get it.

Worried about his Uncle in Boston

When we first met with our pediatrician before Lucas was born we discussed our want to not use a pacifier.  One of my friend's kids didn't use a paci but she felt bad for her daughter sometimes because she didn't have anything to soothe herself.  This was not something I had thought of so I brought this up with the doctor.  He completely supported us not using the binky though.

So pensive

Well, in the hospital we had a sign on Lucas's basinet that said 'No Pacifiers'.  When Lucas was in the nursery one night a nurse disregarded that sign and we saw a pacifier in his basinet.  Kevin took this as a sign that maybe we will need one so when Lucas was having a fit Kevin tried putting it in his mouth.  I started crying...hard.  It was day two and something I have such strong convictions about were going out the window.  Lucas wouldn't take it though.  About a week and a half ago Lucas was screaming and crying and nothing would calm him so we tried the paci again and again I was crying too.  My mom was able to handle three babies without a pacifier...how could I not even get through a month with my first one?!  I felt like a failure again but again Lucas wouldn't take it so my frustration didn't last for long.

Our little one won't sleep on his own and he has some really bad gas issues where he just screams.  Things that soothe him is sucking on his father's finger, sucking on his own hand or nursing but not to feed.  I don't want him to be a thumb sucker because you can't take that away and though I am here for him whenever he needs me I am in pain! So after another conversation with our pediatrician (remember we have a temperamental baby?) and him saying a pacifier might be a good idea and lots of research on the internet we may be introducing a pacifier to our son.  It honestly kills me because now the two things I felt so strongly about at the beginning a of our son's life, sleeping on his own and not having a binky, is gone.  If I've learned anything in the last month it is that whatever plan you have doesn't matter.  Your child is going to make his own plan.

The American Academy of Pediatrics and the Mayo Clinic state that giving a baby a pacifier when they go down to sleep from age one month to one year old will lessen the chance of SIDS.  Just about every decision we have been making followed their guidelines on SIDS except for the pacifier so why not follow that one also?  I'm trying to make myself feel better about this.

I'm going to really try to make sure that we don't use this thing as a babysitter.  I want to try everything else first but we'll have it there just in case.  I told Kevin that when he turns a year old though the binky is out.  Kevin looked at me and said I really need to stop trying to make these stringent guidelines or I'm going to continue to end up in tears.  I get it but if I don't have some sort of plan then I will go crazy.  Of course I researched what the best binkies for newborns are so they will be here tomorrow.  Lucas hasn't taken the one the hospital gave us but he also hasn't had any issues taking a bottle so I ordered binkies that are more like those nipples.  If he won't take one though I definitely will not push it but it hurts my core when he his screaming, tears running down his face, not able to breathe because he is crying so hard that I have to try this.

Friday night is the night that we are going to start our own version of sleep training. And by that I mean we are going to try and get him to sleep on his own.  The pacifiers will be there if we need it.  There will probably be some tears this weekend (by me) but for our family it is time that we get Lucas in his own bed and if we can get Lucas to calm down through any of his screaming sessions it would be a success.  Wish us luck! And hopefully you aren't judging me:)

The Hospital Stay

Now that's it's been almost a month ago (I can't believe it) I'm not sure there is much to say but I have quite a bit of pictures so that will probably just tell my story:)

We had some pretty amazing nurses.  Since we were at the hospital for four days we went through a lot of nurses.  We only had a couple more than once, one being the bad one which sucked but one was really great.

Since Lucas could not sleep on his back because he kept choking he really could only sleep if he was held. The hospital would not let the baby sleep with you while you were sleeping or let them sleep on their stomach so we did not really get sleep at night.  I hadn't slept since I went into labor so Kevin was afraid that I was going to die of sleep deprivation...literally.  He was kind of freaking out.  So at 6 am on Tuesday (that's three nights of not sleeping) Kevin and a nurse convinced me to let her take Lucas into the nursery for an hour so I could get some sleep.  After lots of tears I let her and at 7:30 am she returned with him and I was able to get an hour of sleep.

Tuesday night went the same way and since we were going home the next day and would have no help Kevin and this really great nurse that we had the first night convinced me to let the nurse take Lucas.  I did not want him going in the nursery again (I was feeling like the worst mother ever) so the nurse said she didn't have anything going on so she would hold Lucas for an hour or two while I got some sleep.  Ok, that works.  It was SO hard for me to let Lucas go for those hours and I'm not sure I would do that again (though I don't know what else I could have done if I was going to sleep) but for every one's sake I needed some sleep.  It's probably why I'm having a hard time putting him down now though.

One of the nurses we had was pretty blunt but it made for some good laughs.  She was checking Lucas's circumcision and literally said "wow, he is hung." I could feel Kevin glowing...haha!  She then proceeded to tell us that one of her son's was so small that they almost couldn't do the procedure and that all of her son's were still pretty small. Um?

My sister Shira had given me a hospital gown from Etsy.  It was so awesome to have this.  As you can tell from my pictures I'm not one of those women who looks good after giving birth and in the hospital. Having a nice hospital gown when visitors came made me feel so much better.  I got so many compliments from the nurses and think it is totally work bringing in your own gowns.

The birthing center we were at had gone through a complete renovation the year before.  I've never been hospitalized before so I don't have anything to compare this experience to but it was amazing and from what I hear from other people it really was.  My private room was huge.  The amenities were great.  We had room service and a full menu to choose from.  There was even an outdoor patio area you could go and sit out in.

Lucas is getting fussy so I'm going to have to cut this short but I can't really think of much else to say anyway.

I spent so much time worrying about what Lucas's perfect take-home outfit would be and then Kevin heard that we couldn't put him in a onesie so there all that time went!  Turns out that he just couldn't be in a onesie while he umbilical cord clip was on. Oh well! You live and you learn.

Maybe next time I will have Angie do my hair and tell Kevin I don't care what he says I am putting on makeup:)

We were so thankful to have been able to stay in the hospital as long as we did to help with my recovery and work out all the worries we had with Lucas but boy were ready to go home on Wednesday.  Side note: one of the nurses told us that President Clinton passed a law in 1997 that made hospitals/insurance companies have women stay in the hospital two nights after they gave birth verse just one or a few hours so they could have more time.

We did not size the harness of the car seat before putting Lucas in it for the first time so he may or may not have had only one of the bottom straps fully in on the car ride home...I was back there with him and Kevin drove really slow.

Mish Mosh

Here's an update through pictures...

My sister Shira got engaged last weekend.  Her boyfriend, Nick, proposed on a hike in New Hampshire.  We could not be happier for these two!

Nick's mom has Multiple Sclerosis and every April they participate in an MS Walk to support funding for those who need assistance, fund research and hopefully to find a cure.  If you feel like donating to Nick's team here is the link.  Shira has already reached her goal so I'm trying to help Nick out:)

Walk MS 2013 - Nick

On Friday we celebrated my mom's birthday in the city.  She walked the Golden Gate Bridge for the first time.  We brought Lucas and my grandma.  If you want to get in a good exercise push Granny in her wheel chair all day:)

 Lucas loves his Grammi B!

On Saturday Lucas met his cousins for the first time.  Jack, 2 years old, loved Kevin's drum set.

Uncle Kevin getting in some Ava snuggles at the beach.

Ava, 5 years old, and Lucas's oldest cousin, was so excited to hold a baby.

On Sunday we had some friends over. 

Lucas loves Brooke!

Not to sure about Debbie...haha! Just kidding.

Kevin trying to make sure Chris was holding his son correctly:)

We're hoping this will help Lucas not be afraid of heights...hahaha!

The nursery.  Thought I'd finally post the pictures.  I feel like this is pretty anticlimactic. 

(Sorry for the shadows. I missed those when taking the pics.)

My sister Shira made the quilt.

I made the blanket on the chair.

My mom made the lampshade and my friend Lee made the small elephant.

My aunt and uncle made the Woody piggy bank.

(I love handmade gifts!)

I'm a mom!

It's 2:20...I'm very curious at what time I will be able to finish and post this.  Times are crazy now!

So let's start from the beginning and I'll throw in a few pictures.

On Thursday, March 21 my doctor said I was not dilated at all so the next day I had to go get a non-stress test (NST) to make sure everything was going ok with the baby since I was officially late.  On Friday, the NST went amazing.  The nurse said everything looked absolutely perfect.  Lucas was moving so much that we were hooked up for the minimal time but during that twenty minutes the nurse saw that I had had two contractions.  What?! I'm having contractions?!  Not the labor ones but I thought that I wasn't having any.  Turns out I had been having these contractions for a few days but I thought they were just Lucas stretching.  The nurse still thought that I may have to be induced though which was scheduled for Tuesday night, March 26.  So off we went planning our weekend.  I had friends in town that I did see and some more I was planning to see.  On Saturday I had lunch with one of my besties and we were hoping to see each other again the next morning.  Since so many of my friends live in San Diego I try my best to see them any chance I get.  Well, that night Kevin and I went to bed about 10 o'clock.  I probably fell asleep about 10:45 and at 11:30 I was awoken to what at first I thought was me missing the chance to go to the bathroom but I quickly figured out my water had broken.  I could not believe.  Kevin was sound asleep so I tried waking him without freaking him out.  The convo went like this:
Me: Honey, my water broke.
Kevin: (taps my leg) ok, it's all right.
Me: (realizing I needed to get him out of dreamland) Kevin, I'm pregnant and my water just broke.
Kevin: I know, it's ok, you're ok. (still laying there eyes closed)
Me: Kevin, the bed is completely soaked.
Kevin: (literally jumps out of bed) OH! OH! Ok! I'll call the hospital.

The hospital asked if I was having any contractions (nope) or if there was any major bleeding (nope) so they said wait until there are contractions about 5 min apart or if there is any bleeding.  Oh, and if you can try and sleep.  Sleep? Yeah, ok...  I quickly felt a real contraction and had three in an hour.  After three hours though the contractions escalated to 5 min apart and there was now some bleeding so the hospital said come on in.  (Sorry if this is TMI).

My sister...not camera shy:)

Our bags were already packed and in the car from a few days before so we got dressed and off we went!  I was doing pretty well with the contractions. Don't get me wrong, they hurt but I was handling it.  While on the freeway at 2:30 in the morning my eyes were closed as I was breathing through one and I hear Kevin cuss and jerk the car.  I open my eyes to a deer walking out onto the freeway and us just feet away from hitting it.  Can you imagine?! It was too much for me to think of then but my paternal grandmother, Prissy, comes to my family via a deer so that was very special to me.  Due to the hour we had to enter the hospital via the emergency room and thirty seconds after we got there another pregnant couple came in. We couldn't figure out how to get out of the ER so us preggo ladies sat while our hubbies ran around trying every door.  The other lady was screaming by the way during her contractions.  It was scaring me...was I headed to that much pain?  We finally made our way to the birthing center and after checking me out to make sure I could be admitted (I found out that other woman had been sent home earlier and was now returning) but thankfully I was ready to be admitted.

Almost time!

I was still unsure about the epidural.  I threw up five times from the pain so at 9 am when the contractions were getting stronger the nurse suggested a dose of something that I can't remember the name of that will help take the edge away for 1-2 hours.  This means that I would be getting my first IV.  Wow, that is painful!!! But they put the meds in and that helped, kind of, for about an hour but then I was in a lot of pain! The nurse came in at 10 am with the anesthesiologist because he was going into a c-section and would be a couple hours so they thought he should talk to me.  After one more very painful contraction I looked at Kevin and we were in immediate agreement.  Let's do this! I did not feel a thing.  He was amazing and I almost immediately felt better.  In no way do I regret getting the epidural.   Lucas wasn't born for another 14 hours.  I could not have dealt with that pain for that amount of time.  I wasn't able to sleep but I was able to visit with people and deal with the labor.  My contractions were irregular so it was hard to tell how I was progressing.  I know I was at 5 cm for a while.  That evening I hit 7 cm but my contractions were anywhere from 2 - 6 minutes apart.  My doctor had three of us go into labor that day and we were all coming down to the wire that evening.  I ended up being last.  My doctor came in to check me at 10:30 pm because my contractions were still irregular.  Well, she gave me a check and said ok, I can see your son shaking his head at the next contraction start pushing.  It literally happened that fast.

First family photo!

We had been watching TV so that just stayed on.  I mention this because in between pushes my doctor would watch it.  It was a show on outrageous houseboats.  It did not bother me at all.  It actually kept the atmosphere casual which I appreciated.  I pushed for an hour and a half and it wasn't that bad.  I had read about women who were upset that they couldn't feel the labor because of the epidural and that they had to be told when to push.  I was able to feel each contraction so I knew when to push and I felt completely in control of my labor.  Then came the real pain!  Lucas was really coming.  At this point you can't stop pushing because once baby is on their way out he needs to keep going.  So I think this lasted 15 min. Not really sure because it hurt!  I may have used a few choice words because I remember my doctor giving me some surprised looks.  First came Lucas's head.  The first thing I say when I see it (no exaggeration) "That's a big head!".  This is when the doctor and nurses agreed, this baby is bigger than we expected.  Once Lucas made his complete debut they immediately put him on my chest and Kevin cut the umbilical cord.  There were lots of tears.  Lucas was blue and not making any noise but I had been told that is normal.

The nurse then took him away to get him crying and this is where things got scary.  All of a sudden there were several nurses and a pediatrician in our room surrounding Lucas.  No one would tell us anything but some of the nurses were arguing.  We had such amazing people up to this point but there was one nurse who just wasn't with it.  We kept being told that everything was ok but we knew it wasn't.  Finally my doctor said that his umbilical cord had been wrapped around his neck and the vernix was in his nose and throat so he was having issues breathing.  Kevin and I really tried to stay calm.  And even though it had felt like an eternity really this was all happening within minutes. This is when I looked at the clock, 12:09 am.  Wait, when was my son born? The 24th or 25th?!  So I asked my nurse and she asked the not so good nurse.  That nurse responded with I don't know.  What?! My doctor and nurse both looked at me and could tell the terror on my face.  My doctor then repeated...you don't know what time the baby was born?  Bad nurse: The birth time? Oh, I though you were asking about the placenta.  The birth time was 12:01 am.  Why in the world would I care what time the placenta came out?!  Side note: I ended up having two placentas.  Apparently that is rare and it was even weirder that none of the ultrasounds picked it up.

Big Boy!

The nurse gave me back Lucas for a minute while she told us that he had swallowed his vernix and they need to get it out of his lungs so they would be taking him to the NICU to clear him out.  The nurse was very good in telling us what they were going to do which helped ease us some what.  They needed him to really scream and cry to try and shake the vernix loose that was in his lungs so they were going to give him his first booster shots and a bath because that should make him really mad.  I immediately asked if Kevin could go with him and he did.  So they took him from me and off they went.  As they were walking out our family walked in.  My in-laws, mom, grandma and little sister had all been in the waiting room and saw all of the commotion going on in and out of our room but no one would tell them anything.  My sister even went up to the nurse's station because they saw the bad nurse frantically searching for something and not being able to find it so my sister asked them "Do the nurses always run around this frantically or is something wrong?"  My sister can be quite blunt so this took the nurse off guard and she really couldn't answer her.  My family was freaking out so they stood outside the door and when they finally heard Lucas cried my mom and mother-in-law just hugged and cried.  I can't imagine how scared they must've been.  Finally, Kevin and Lucas made it back to our room.  I cried so much.  Kevin said it was so hard to watch them try and get Lucas better.

It was now about 1:30 am so the family left and Kevin and I and Lucas just hugged for awhile.  What felt like the next day but really was just a few hours later...Lucas started spitting up what looked like blood.  It turns out he also swallowed some of the amniotic fluid so he had to be taken away again and they had to flush out his system.  This poor kid had a rough entry into this world.  There are a few more things I would like to remember about the hospital visit and I have a TON of pictures but the last 24 hours have not been easy in our household (Lucas may be colicky) so I need to get to bed while he sleeps in daddy's arms right now so I'll post the rest later.  I started this post on the 8th so that may just give you an idea of how things are going around here.